the floor with a view

all of what I thought I knew is visible from here
flat on my back
looking up
my old things hang from dusty shelves
I can see the new shapes take form with every passing
of the fan blades
shadows on the wall grow bigger
I grow smaller

Gravity keeps me locked
another man's theory keeps me outside
a glad creates
all as the celluloid keeps burning

Still here
within my four familiar walls
unsure of whats really in here

Something tells me I'd be a wreck without the fear.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It never makes sense to me, why I didn't write what first came to mind. I intended to write these words but what came out on the screen was something less developed. Maybe my hands liked what is was pouring out and my brain went with the flow of my fingers. Mini minds of their own, many years ago they could even dial a phone. My intentions where not these few words either. Perhaps what I really want to type feels like it needs a disclaimer, an introduction or what I'm doing here, an intention. So here it is, for no rhyme or reason:

My pink bras hang from my Menorahs
a collection of Santo cards look on with their weary faces
the fan casts blinking shadows on the walls
nothing is what it seems
when I'm on the floor
flat on my back
this place is not my own


Where have I been and what am I doing?
Where Have I Been And What Am I Doing?
WHere HAve I BEen ANd WHat AM I DOing?
WHEre HAVe I BEEn AND WHAt AM I DOIng?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOINg?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOING?

-----------------------------------------------------------
I cant seem to find that person in me anymore.

What do you mean? What person?

My inner voice that kept me company for so many years!
After social gatherings after work and school, it was just me and me.

What is it now?

Now its just me talking to myself.

I've never gone anywhere, I've been here this whole time!

I don't believe that.

Well who do you think you are talking to now?

Not the me I knew before, that's for sure.
Not having that familiar voice make me feel like I'm chasing a dissolving night's dream. Every time I try to remember the sound, it drifts farther away.

That sounds horrible!

You should know.

Vestiges of a day in July

lights from houses compete with the skies memory of the sun

people quicken their steps to feel safe under the last few hues of blue

bare feet on concrete can still absorb the days heat

whats left of it

pine tree needles seem soft

the webs in them begin to hang heavy

bike reflectors shimmer while headlights become more obvious

drive with the windows open to catch the declining warm sweet air

whats left of it

I'm over here now

This is where I am .

The same Hot Pocket taste

in my, now, familiar mouth

Humming A/C air blows my hair

Same old ways with new days ahead.

A time like this passes

as fast as your eyes follow a wandering fly

trapped in the back room.

Alone with someone

is and will always be a riddle.

Platonic in the Potomac

(poem is still in the works but I had to set the title down somewhere)

Platonic in the Potomac
It's really hard to say
Even harder to feel the day you went away

Platonic in the Potomac
I thought it all would last
but you packed your case
and went back east
you mentioned something about finding peace

Platonic in the Potomac
I crossed the states divides
it was a 48 hour plus drive
to keep my eyes open I'd have to keep on hopein'
that I'd find our love's
neon sign still flashin' "Open"

Platonic in the Potomac
I arrived with less than leaving
my foolish smile on the dash of the car
you gave me praise for how far
I've come.

Platonic in the Potomac
lets not take it slow
and to hide my sorrow
I said I'd be back tomorrow
but instead

(got stuck here, edits later)

Kids with Cash

This is for the kids with car payments
This is for the kids with bank statements
They use their full names
middle initial
They can sign papers and make it all official!
Direct deposit the money
Don't ask me if its okay
I put in a lot of hours
and the money will show up in May
Pay stubs in the visor
Don't trust your college adviser
If so, get a receipt
Take it back with tags attached
Get a good deal
Check your grades
check your credit
This is for the kids with the plastic safety nets
Don't worry how bad it gets!
You're smarter for it
They'll all admit
under their breath.
This is for the kids with the cash in hand
This is for the kids with school at their feet.

Black and White Notebook #3-05

I take that bad day and push it into a small ball
a dot of ink on this pad
that I use when I'm mad
there are more fads to buy into
no more clothes that don't fit well
I've taken the initiative
this time.
I can watch the blue prints cry with sorrow
thinking of ending their lives and
making no tomorrow
a lot goes into creating the end
rusty blades
frayed ropes
All while I sit back and clear my throat
to watch it all unfold
I sit there holding a tattered tote
filled with rattling pills
I've found a secret door that takes me
to that place in the floor where music and smoke
fills the night air
an illusion is captured in a small glass jar
taken to heart
then thrown real far
my foot hits the black tar
and I cant find my car
its all a dream
you see?
I was just simply
wishing on a
star.

While sitting in my corner I quickly call
the coroner to advise my body is read to order.

Now I'm back
the florescent light shines for attention
as the instructor in the front is about to mention
something about cell division.

Black and White Notebook #2- 05

I am that spill in the grocery store.

I fell in the dark and my puddle
oozes and influenced the ground until dawn.
When I'm found
Shoppers will protest the grotesque display
as they pull out their wallets to pay

I am blocked off
in yellow rope
hopes of attention
I am only mentioned

My surface tension is broken by the
intention of your mop
as it sops
sops

You've cured the texture of the ground
with a simple cleaning solution
You have come to my conclusion
cleaned up my illusion
So I can say I love you
as my molecules diffuse
in the water of your bucket
you make sure I'm erased
that I am Safe.

Black and White Notebook #1- 05

I am crazy.
I contemplate issues that will never
arise in any conversation.
I derive in public.
I think I've done it
secularized my insanity and
destroyed humanity in my eyes.
Broken and apart I was left to rot in my room
where I riot about my dreams.
My blood steams and the scene is just too old.
I think he will give me his cold.

"The Road To Joy"

This time next weekend I'll be some where in the middle of Arizona expecting to find a difference in the sun's light at dusk. It's around this time next weekend that I'll be at the wheel of a car that I find to be ridiculous in size. This time next weekend I'll let my nostalgia wash over my mind, making all the sights, sounds and smells bigger than they have to be. I'll leave the dirt on my skin so I can wear it as badge of honor when I arrive at my destination. I want three state suns to shine on the crown of my head. I'm gonna bring my Ocean in the strands of my hair but the desert's tan in my hands. I wanna ask if we are out of the mountains yet. Are we near the red dirt? I'll find it tragic that a town can be dissected with two lanes. Everyone will complain.

My expectations will be higher than my state's chipped shoulders and the magic will only follow me through the Texas state line. Turns out, I was just riding on the sweet air's decline and the beauty will come harder and the sky light will work longer.

The Killers vs. Roxy Music (not really though)

One might say that these two songs can walk hand in hand and have a "glorious existence" together on a playlist... just sayin'.

The Killers-The World We Live In



Roxy Music- The Thrill Of It All

higher education is for the birds...

because they can fly really high!

So yeah, this "semester off" has resulted in boredom and A LOT of hours at work.

My first semester at a, real, four year college will start August 31. In the mean time, I will continue to lust after Brandon Flowers and hopefully continue re-reading a lot of stuff from past literature classes... cause I'm a "Literature Major", whatever that means.

In other news:
6 weeks till Texas road trip

you are apart of

Mediocrity,
it isn't funny to me

Now that I'm sitting inside the gray
day to day
I can no longer display
my tall talk of
schemes and half hatched dreams

Hours cemented to a muted, dark, blue
these thick walls block the skies vast views

I can no longer be a critic
as much as I want to stand alone
my feet refuse to move, they can only mimic

I no longer need a telescope to see
the waves of pity
for they are at my shore

I thought I had more

time

It's an oldie but goodie

Tapping at my door, dirt under nails, swish of shoes, creak in the floor, a bump, bump at the glass, ticking from the AC, illusion of rain, giving us a taste, we really exist, worth watering, swish, swish of dry skin, the wave of carpet as it meets bare floors, perfect excision for a shadow, block of time, color, space, earth, to build some steps to reach the shelf to get more pieces, to build a shelf to hold more pieces, waves of excitement, anxiety, joy, nothing settle, only the nose offending abruptness of our quick moving lights, perhaps a light musk of semi stillness, cold spot in the pillow, wiggle of toes, shuffling to and fro, sun engulfed skin, knowing that the trees are looking up for more reasons then thought possible

Barack Obama is a Hero of Mine

What do Brandon Flowers and Barack Obama have in common? They are both NME, Hero of the Year, nominees!?

I personally think Barack Obama and Brandon Flowers are a great examples of the modern day American hero.

Back in July 08 while I was wondering the aisles of Comic Con, I saw a shirt that portrayed, the then Presidential candidate, Barack Obama as a super hero. The shirt's image shows Obama ripping his suit and tie off his chest to reveal a Superman-like "O". By the 4th day of the Con, I decided to spend the last of my money on one of the shirts and I'm glad I did. In actuality,it's hard not to see Obama as a larger then life super hero that has saved/saving our country/world from villains like G.W. Bush, Dick Chaney and that evil, wolf killing, Sarah Palin.

But super powers aside and a few posts ago, I remember ranting and raving because John McCain criticized Obama for being too "eloquent". I also went on about other Obama opponents calling him an "elitist". I made my claim that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be an "elitist" and I was at war with the term "average American". I still believe that there is no such thing as an "average American" and we all have our own brand of awesomeness within us, somewhere. So yes, Obama is a hero of mine, his presidency has brought back our American-can do anything because we are the land of possibilities- air.

Now watch out, this is where the Brandon Flowers comes in:

If I can call Obama a hero then I can call Brandon Flowers a hero for some of the same reasons. Over the past 5 years, Flowers and co. have been proving to the world that they do not want to be an "average"(there's that word again) rock band. Whether it be in the clothes he wears, the statements he makes or the songs he and band mates write, Brandon Flowers and The Killers have never been afraid of wanting to be better. Yes, some critics have seen this "arrogance" as off putting but I, personally, see it as refreshing and inspiring.

I may not be a rock star or the President of the United States but I sure as hell want to be the best damn American Literature major/future professor I can be!

"I don't really mind that its starting to get to me"

The Killers Live From Abbey Road from booknutdc on Vimeo.

Justifying My Claim

This is where I stop trying to justify myself and start accepting the fact that I am obsessed with all things The Killers and Brandon Flowers. So "forget about what I said" in the previous post and expect to see more of the same (f0r now at least).

Though I may feel slightly embarrassed about some of these posts, I just have to remember that no one probably sees nor cares about what I say/write here.

Looking back at some older posts, from last year, I noticed that I had multiple posts about actor Sam Rockwell. I'm pretty sure the Sam Rockwell stuff is proof that I tend to create my own bandwagons and choose to never jump off of them... so I guess its more of a bandwagon train. Anywho, I blame MTV for my 30 second attention span.

What was I talking about?

Oh, yeah, bandwagons.

Yes, I missed the bandwagon when "Day & Age" came out in November and hence missed The Killers when they played a show in L.A.

Yes, I am upset that there are no San Diego dates scheduled and NO I will not waste the money and resources to go to Coachella to see them headline Saturday's show.

Ok then, I think thats all I have to say about this... Sam Rockwell-still cool, The Killers- still awesome(since 04), Brandon Flowers-still hot(since 04).

This train is now leaving the station.

Thank you Eli Cash...

for making this wonderful desktop:


I promise that this will be the last of it!

Here is the direct link

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l309/propagandakid/Publication1.jpg

"It's like Ziggy Stardust meets the Belagio"

I'm clearly shaking this all off very slowly and the feathered shoulders are beginning to grow fur. Holding on and packing up is what I do best:


Color me Love from booknutdc on Vimeo.

Before you say I'm "Losing Touch" here are two things:

First:

Here is a really gaudy thing I made-


Glitter Graphics

Second:
This is "No You Girls" by Franz Ferdinand and it has nothing to do with The Killers!



But just for the hell of it:

killer update

"When I hear other people, I want to be better than them. I won't apologize for it. It's nothing dirty."


I now have 6 remix versions of "Human"

NO, I will not apologize for this!!

"I want to be better than you"





Because I need 5 remix versions of "Human" on both my ipods!

let us go

I was on top of that hill, again. The small man made hill that held our man made machines was mowed over last year and then re-constituted with supporting retaining walls and newly planted growth that seemed to embrace the loose fill dirt of the hill's banks. I was at the edge looking out over the brown buildings with their dull dim amber lights glowing and guiding its patrons. The roofs, of ancient construction, were still flat and uneven holding pools of stagnant water. For a time, I just sat in my spot on the new hill that was built over the old hill that was in front of the new road that was built over the old road which leads to those crystallized, untouched, brown buildings with their aging trees and tired faces. The elevation at the top was enticing enough but as I took each step to descend, the familiarity of the solid ground was stomach turning. Now walking under the chipped wood eves and the foggy lit lanterns at my shoulders, my shoes met the smooth hard pavement and gave it a friendly hug and kiss as each foot propelled me forward to the past. With my head now on the ground my face was filled with crushing frustration. This was nothing like my airy hill that held my memories of shaded trees and flashes of familiar, worn, faces. I was now powerless in my chair as the cement room began to fill with pools of past peers, I quickly drowned in my own nostalgia. Quick stinging smiles met my motionless face and I did nothing to return them to their senders. No ones words could hold my attention, only past pictures ran out of order through my kicking and swimming brain.

I went for the door when my time was up. I did my best to stand it but decided never to return.

These things I carried here belong on a shelf now- to be dusted and admired from a far. They are things that a hill can not hold and a tree can not grow, things that would cloud all future attempts to make it here.

And with that I go.

This is a good "Day & Age" for The Killers (an amateur music review)

I bought The Killers first album, Hot Fuss, in October of 2004. I remember the month because around the same time I took a trip up north to Monterey to visit my best friend who was living there with her family at the time. On the short plane ride up north, I distinctly remember listening to Hot Fuss on my pink, Sony Walkman. Having already fell in love with The Killers first single from Hot Fuss, "Sombody Told Me", I quickly warmed to the whole album and by the time I got off the plane in Monterey,I was a fan.

For me, Hot Fuss was indeed something to make a fuss about, as I will do here:

First off, Brandon Flowers is one hell of front man and his Opera like wails that are heard on such tracks as "Mr. Brightside" and "Believe me Natalie" make me want to stand on a chair and sing along with one hand on my heart and the other extended to an imaginary audience (yes I have done this). Along with packing in the long melodics, Flowers also gives us some good new-wave/dancey songs like in "Sombody Told Me" and "Change Your Mind".

As far as lyrics and sound, the stand out track for me on Hot Fuss is "Andy, You're a Star". The sexual ambiguity of the song's lyrics are kinda confusing but yet they make perfect sense at the same time. I believe, around the same time The Killers were breaking, Franz Ferdinand were also releasing tracks from their self titled album and their song, "Michael", which is also pretty damn sexy, seemed to bring back the old school gender bending days of David Bowie. Also, for a time, Brandon Flowers sported pink tuxedos and wore lip gloss... which he was able to pull off, I think. However, I'm giving too much credit to Flowers and not enough to the band as a whole.

I believe I saw The Killers twice in concert after the release of Hot Fuss. Both were great shows and the entire band really put on an excellent show, which is something that not all bands are good at.

Skipping ahead to 2006, The Killers came out with their sophomore album, Sam's Town. Now, Sam's Town was suppose to be, I think, some kind of concept album that would show case The Killers hometown of Las Vegas. From its curtain raising "Enterlude", a way of welcoming all their listeners to their city of sounds and lights, to its not so catchy "Uncle Johnny", I felt that Sam's Town was missing the lyrical power that was heard on Hot Fuss. However (big however), "Read my Mind" is one of my favorite Killers songs and its the only track that seems smooth enough to be on Hot Fuss. Oh and yes, I did see The Killers a third time when they went on tour to promote Sam's Town.

Now The Killers are back with Day & Age, released in late 2008. I admit that I did not hear the first single from the album till weeks after it came out and when I finally did hear it I was kind of indifferent about it. It took me awhile to be able to listen to the entire album but after getting through it 5 or 6 times I knew I could say it was just as good as 2004's Hot Fuss.

Riding on the coat tails of the Las Vegas/ Southwest themed songs of Sam's Town, some of the tracks on Day & Age seem to be, like a fine wine, day and aged to perfection as opposed to some of the lack luster songs found on the sophomore album. For example, "Joy Ride", which has wonderful, descriptive, desert lyrics-" The desert wind is howling /Rattlesnakes and romance/Are spilling with the rain/Candy apple red dress/Bleeding when she kissed me". "Joy Ride" also features some awesome 80s- esc saxophone sounds which makes you want to say to yourself " did I just hear a saxophone in there?!". Of course the first single off the album, "Human", is a great pop song that grabs listeners and makes them answer the question "are we human or are we dancer" but listeners will find so much more in the lyrics and synth sounds of the other songs throughout the album.

Day & Age is close enough to the successes of Hot Fuss while still being faraway enough to be innovative and fresh. If I was a real music reviewer and not an amateur I would give Day& Age 4 and a half starts out of 5

Reliable Ambivalence

Are you an effective communicator?

I'm going to throw some movie words

at you

put them in quotes

claim them as my own.

Is the future clear?

I'll make you a montage of

images

so that I may reflect it

like the see through

glass that I'm always

not.

How will we get there?

A series of thumbs to the wind,

gas and cash

I assume.

Indecision?

Yes but always with a quick

grab for a "no"

in my back pocket.

What do you want?

Anything and everything

I'll add it to my sack of things

its okay

whatever you think you can give

I may not need it now

but I'll know its there

was there

can be there

and when I'm off course

I'll know that I had what I wanted

and still have no Idea what to do

with it.

So, I'll put it on a shelf

like a sculpture

a picture.