the floor with a view

all of what I thought I knew is visible from here
flat on my back
looking up
my old things hang from dusty shelves
I can see the new shapes take form with every passing
of the fan blades
shadows on the wall grow bigger
I grow smaller

Gravity keeps me locked
another man's theory keeps me outside
a glad creates
all as the celluloid keeps burning

Still here
within my four familiar walls
unsure of whats really in here

Something tells me I'd be a wreck without the fear.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It never makes sense to me, why I didn't write what first came to mind. I intended to write these words but what came out on the screen was something less developed. Maybe my hands liked what is was pouring out and my brain went with the flow of my fingers. Mini minds of their own, many years ago they could even dial a phone. My intentions where not these few words either. Perhaps what I really want to type feels like it needs a disclaimer, an introduction or what I'm doing here, an intention. So here it is, for no rhyme or reason:

My pink bras hang from my Menorahs
a collection of Santo cards look on with their weary faces
the fan casts blinking shadows on the walls
nothing is what it seems
when I'm on the floor
flat on my back
this place is not my own


Where have I been and what am I doing?
Where Have I Been And What Am I Doing?
WHere HAve I BEen ANd WHat AM I DOing?
WHEre HAVe I BEEn AND WHAt AM I DOIng?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOINg?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOING?

-----------------------------------------------------------
I cant seem to find that person in me anymore.

What do you mean? What person?

My inner voice that kept me company for so many years!
After social gatherings after work and school, it was just me and me.

What is it now?

Now its just me talking to myself.

I've never gone anywhere, I've been here this whole time!

I don't believe that.

Well who do you think you are talking to now?

Not the me I knew before, that's for sure.
Not having that familiar voice make me feel like I'm chasing a dissolving night's dream. Every time I try to remember the sound, it drifts farther away.

That sounds horrible!

You should know.

Vestiges of a day in July

lights from houses compete with the skies memory of the sun

people quicken their steps to feel safe under the last few hues of blue

bare feet on concrete can still absorb the days heat

whats left of it

pine tree needles seem soft

the webs in them begin to hang heavy

bike reflectors shimmer while headlights become more obvious

drive with the windows open to catch the declining warm sweet air

whats left of it

I'm over here now

This is where I am .

The same Hot Pocket taste

in my, now, familiar mouth

Humming A/C air blows my hair

Same old ways with new days ahead.

A time like this passes

as fast as your eyes follow a wandering fly

trapped in the back room.

Alone with someone

is and will always be a riddle.

Platonic in the Potomac

(poem is still in the works but I had to set the title down somewhere)

Platonic in the Potomac
It's really hard to say
Even harder to feel the day you went away

Platonic in the Potomac
I thought it all would last
but you packed your case
and went back east
you mentioned something about finding peace

Platonic in the Potomac
I crossed the states divides
it was a 48 hour plus drive
to keep my eyes open I'd have to keep on hopein'
that I'd find our love's
neon sign still flashin' "Open"

Platonic in the Potomac
I arrived with less than leaving
my foolish smile on the dash of the car
you gave me praise for how far
I've come.

Platonic in the Potomac
lets not take it slow
and to hide my sorrow
I said I'd be back tomorrow
but instead

(got stuck here, edits later)

Kids with Cash

This is for the kids with car payments
This is for the kids with bank statements
They use their full names
middle initial
They can sign papers and make it all official!
Direct deposit the money
Don't ask me if its okay
I put in a lot of hours
and the money will show up in May
Pay stubs in the visor
Don't trust your college adviser
If so, get a receipt
Take it back with tags attached
Get a good deal
Check your grades
check your credit
This is for the kids with the plastic safety nets
Don't worry how bad it gets!
You're smarter for it
They'll all admit
under their breath.
This is for the kids with the cash in hand
This is for the kids with school at their feet.

Black and White Notebook #3-05

I take that bad day and push it into a small ball
a dot of ink on this pad
that I use when I'm mad
there are more fads to buy into
no more clothes that don't fit well
I've taken the initiative
this time.
I can watch the blue prints cry with sorrow
thinking of ending their lives and
making no tomorrow
a lot goes into creating the end
rusty blades
frayed ropes
All while I sit back and clear my throat
to watch it all unfold
I sit there holding a tattered tote
filled with rattling pills
I've found a secret door that takes me
to that place in the floor where music and smoke
fills the night air
an illusion is captured in a small glass jar
taken to heart
then thrown real far
my foot hits the black tar
and I cant find my car
its all a dream
you see?
I was just simply
wishing on a
star.

While sitting in my corner I quickly call
the coroner to advise my body is read to order.

Now I'm back
the florescent light shines for attention
as the instructor in the front is about to mention
something about cell division.

Black and White Notebook #2- 05

I am that spill in the grocery store.

I fell in the dark and my puddle
oozes and influenced the ground until dawn.
When I'm found
Shoppers will protest the grotesque display
as they pull out their wallets to pay

I am blocked off
in yellow rope
hopes of attention
I am only mentioned

My surface tension is broken by the
intention of your mop
as it sops
sops

You've cured the texture of the ground
with a simple cleaning solution
You have come to my conclusion
cleaned up my illusion
So I can say I love you
as my molecules diffuse
in the water of your bucket
you make sure I'm erased
that I am Safe.