the floor with a view

all of what I thought I knew is visible from here
flat on my back
looking up
my old things hang from dusty shelves
I can see the new shapes take form with every passing
of the fan blades
shadows on the wall grow bigger
I grow smaller

Gravity keeps me locked
another man's theory keeps me outside
a glad creates
all as the celluloid keeps burning

Still here
within my four familiar walls
unsure of whats really in here

Something tells me I'd be a wreck without the fear.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It never makes sense to me, why I didn't write what first came to mind. I intended to write these words but what came out on the screen was something less developed. Maybe my hands liked what is was pouring out and my brain went with the flow of my fingers. Mini minds of their own, many years ago they could even dial a phone. My intentions where not these few words either. Perhaps what I really want to type feels like it needs a disclaimer, an introduction or what I'm doing here, an intention. So here it is, for no rhyme or reason:

My pink bras hang from my Menorahs
a collection of Santo cards look on with their weary faces
the fan casts blinking shadows on the walls
nothing is what it seems
when I'm on the floor
flat on my back
this place is not my own


Where have I been and what am I doing?
Where Have I Been And What Am I Doing?
WHere HAve I BEen ANd WHat AM I DOing?
WHEre HAVe I BEEn AND WHAt AM I DOIng?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOINg?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN AND WHAT AM I DOING?

-----------------------------------------------------------
I cant seem to find that person in me anymore.

What do you mean? What person?

My inner voice that kept me company for so many years!
After social gatherings after work and school, it was just me and me.

What is it now?

Now its just me talking to myself.

I've never gone anywhere, I've been here this whole time!

I don't believe that.

Well who do you think you are talking to now?

Not the me I knew before, that's for sure.
Not having that familiar voice make me feel like I'm chasing a dissolving night's dream. Every time I try to remember the sound, it drifts farther away.

That sounds horrible!

You should know.